| Musings. |
[Mar. 15th, 2005|04:31 pm] |
1. Counter-Strike Source is very very good. It shouldn't be because of its user base but it is. Plus they've finally made the auto-snipers usable and the tmp nearly respectable. (aha!)
2. The boss doesnt want me to quit, he even made sucking noises and shook his head when I told him the new job would pay me over £500 a month more than he was doing.
3. Perl is one of the better programming languages i've tried my hand at. It's well structured, coherent and powerful, unfortunately its taking a long time to get into. I do very much enjoy the immediacy of it, plus the lack of a compiler exites me greatly. It's just a shame its so much blood hard work. |
|
|
| Hooray for extended absences. |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|03:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Beardy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mu-Ziq - Brace Yourself Jason | ] |
Hooray indeed.
Things which have kept me occupied in the past few weeks include (but are not limited to):
1. Solaris as a book and a film (the 70's version.) Both are works of pure untempered genius. Touching, innovative and far far before their time, definitely on a par with 2001 despite having under half its budget. Incidentally I picked up the novel of 2001 from amazon for £2 the other day, it strips away some of the magic of the film and the stargate sequence as it almost turns the whole sequence into something a bit prosaic but its still a mighty novel.
2. Hood. Hooray for hood. Hooray indeed. Live they're unbelievably brilliant (although marred somewhat by the ineptitude of the technical crew.) and possibly the closest thing I've had to sex where more than one person was satisfied.
3. Work. Which has now become so dull I've taken to devising cunning neo-Goldbergian ruses to keep me occupied.
4. Computery issues. How easy it seems that a group of computer scientists can take the simple science of binary logic and turn it into something approaching obtuse bloody-minded luck. Turns out that the reason my computer was overheating at less than 40c was because my processor was knackered. It took over 4 months to narrow it down as everything I tried to do to fix it was having apparent limited short-term success. At one point it ran for 2 weeks without crashing and then had a 5 day spate of
In other news, Overclockers.co.uk are all cunts. Selfish selfish cunts who are too fucking lazy to answer their telephones and provide anything approaching some form of customer service. Cunts.
5. Web-design. I took a perfectly good website and remade it into some sort of hellish mess of something that the xhtml parser found over 100 problems with. This took me over a week and a half to accomplish and still it is only half way done.
Still, it looked pretty. Prettier than www.fightinglimits.co.uk (a customer proudly showed this website off to me as proof of his programming talent) at any rate.
6. Leigh. If I knew what love is, I would probably apply the square of its value to our current situation. |
|
|
| New Woman |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|09:20 pm] |
I'm writing a lifestyle column.
In it I detail why the just woke up from a coma look is now in, why fucking handfulls of your own shit is the new yoga and why solitary confinement is the new nightclubbing. |
|
|
| The collected wisdom of Evan Harris |
[Dec. 31st, 2004|05:06 pm] |
Part 1.
1. Never ever ever refer to sex as 'the old in and out' in polite company. Not everyone has seen 'A clockwork orange' and even those who have may not find it as amusing as it was in your head.
2. Weight-loss programs very rarely work the way they're supposed to. You're much better off starving yourself half to death and then building yourself back up from there. Bulimia, is natures reset button.
3. Don't come out as a nazi to your parents for a joke.
4. Don't underestimate the very wide. Fat people often can put on a great turn of speed very quickly and can use their bulk to their advantage. If you have to make a nasty comment make sure its from some distance or from behind a chain link fence, then you have the pleasure of watching them get upset but retain at least some element of safety.
5. No matter how enamored you are with your partner you have to refrain at all times from telling them that they are 'prettiest thing I ever put my penis into.' Don't even do it as a joke. I speak from bitter, bitter experience.
6. Pain is not in fact "weakness leaving the body" it's ACTUALLY your body's way of telling you to stop whatever it is you're doing in case you die.
7. Making a 'duh' noise at paying customers is a sure fire way of getting fired.
8. You can live a whole and fulfilling life through apathy, as a lifestyle choice it's highly underrated. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2004|10:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
Am I a cunt for thinking my boyfriends creative output is 10% pretentious and 90% irritating bullshit? I certainly feel like one, not that I would ever dare tell him what I thought of it of course. It's just that if I dare to flick through his website I get this unexplicable raging sense of indignation as though somehow what he's doing is violating everything good and true and pure (note: Possible hyperbole.) I KNOW its none of my business, and I know its an entirely personal thing which makes me feel like a cunt even more. I guess that part of it stems from a frustration at my own lack of creative output and I feel that I can justify this by telling myself that if he wanted to keep it private and free from judgement, y'know, he'd not post it on the internet.
Bah. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2004|02:58 pm] |
"There's more to life than hair,
but it's a good place to start"
- Sign on the back of a bottle of 'aussie' hair conditioner.
I love these little pseudo philosophical statements companies print on the back of packaging. Just these totally vapid and isolated pieces of text that serve no purpose to either the company or the consumer. Who do they think they are fooling? How low are they judging humanity by thinking that people will actually take this shite on board. Or maybe people will repeat it to one another in dinner party conversation, one middle-class wanker to another, spewing this bullshit out in a vain attempt to look less of a smug, self-satisfied shit-fucker than his friends.
Wait...this has gone from a charming diatribe on a companies attempt to make their packaging more lively on a tangent to vile, vaugley idealistic catharsis. I think it's time to stop.
Just to prove that I'm not lying, check the bottom of the page. |
|
|
| Bastard personality test. |
[Nov. 14th, 2004|04:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Joy Division - Ice Age | ] |
| Global Personality Test Results | Stability (41%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness (28%) low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion (22%) low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
| Take Free Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
introverted, secretive, messy, depressed, does not like leadership, somewhat nihilistic, observer, does not make friends easily, unassertive, feels invisible, feels undesirable, hates large parties, does not like to stand out, leisurely, suspicious, submissive, abstract, unpredictable, intellectual, likes rain (! truth), likes the unknown, negative, weird, not a risk taker (:/ lies), unadventurous(:/ also lies!), avoidant, strange
Stolen from oswellm nee envane nee diesel_pioneer :p.
I went to see the last ever showing of "It came from outer space" in 3d vision (we got given a free pair of r/g glasses) last night. The atmosphere was compounded somewhat by the attendance of Pere Ubu who improvised over the top of the film. From a purely campy classic point of view it was really fun, from a socio-political statement it was a bit too much of a tenuous link for my liking (despite Pere Ubu's lead singer hammering on at the start about how it was a commentary on the racism inherent in 50's american culture.) Its such a shame that the last stereoscopic company has just gone out of business, true as an addition to a film its little more than a gimick, but its a fun gimick, and a pretty effective one in places. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|03:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
Till he came to a place called The Bucket Of Blood
Stagger Lee
He said "Mr Motherfucker, you know who I am"
The barkeeper said, "No, and I don't give a good goddamn"
To Stagger Lee
He said, "Well bartender, it's plain to see
I'm that bad motherfucker called Stagger Lee"
Went to see Nick Cave last night at "wuhulvour'ampton" as the local parlance would have you believe. He/they was/were really rather good, especially this song and "abatoir blues"
Its wonderful that he can write such tender and delicate songs about the destruction of a woman, murder, death, rape and suicide and yet write the most grotesque sounding songs about love. Sadly he didnt play my favorite "opium tea" but he did round the evening off with a few of the crowds favorites.
Plus the place was absolutely packed, I didnt realise there were that many people with excellent taste, maybe Cave truly is the darling of the current 'alternative' (alhough I hate that term) music 'scene' |
|
|
| An update |
[Nov. 4th, 2004|02:52 pm] |
Work is shit. Not 'the shit' nor is it 'great shit.' It's shit shit.
My social life is rapidly shrinking down to a size undetectable by the naked eye.
My boyfriend is having 'issues with commitment.' Apparently.
People in general are a bit rubbish.
Money is hard to come by and even harder to hold on to.
I was also told recently that the secret of great sex was masturbation, "a lot" of masturbation to be precise.
I remain skeptical.
Also
I fear for the lives of my unfertalized spermatoza.
BLAH! |
|
|
| I won. |
[Aug. 22nd, 2004|04:49 pm] |
|
That's right, i'm officially a winner. No no, don't get up, don't applaud, I had as much chance as the other guy (god rest his soul) and really in our own special way, aren't we ALL winners? No? Oh thats right we aren't, because only I won HAH! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|04:12 pm] |
So the entire culmination of my educational life thus far boils down to 260 UCAS points. 260 steps toward my ascenscion to heaven. Education is officially on hold now, re-evaluation is critical to my future success, whether I go for the course in Artificial intelligance at UEA or whether I find myself a quiet little life in a corner of the country doing middle management for the rest of time.
Tired, ill and possibly diseased.
Going to get drunk.
xe |
|
|
| A quote. |
[Aug. 15th, 2004|01:52 pm] |
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. - Satchel Paige
Why can't british sports stars say something this profound? |
|
|
| Let's play a game. |
[Jul. 25th, 2004|01:02 pm] |
Let's all play a game, a game so fun and daring that anything else pales in comparison. Lets all stay out till 5 in the morning then come home, sleep for 3 hours and then try and get up for work.
What fun, what twisted amazing fun.
I'm now officially less of a fuckup, I'm feeling better about myself, about how I am with Léigh and how I am with people in general. Better, stronger, more responsive. Not to the extent that im now particularly more happy, but enough so that I dont want to pull my liver out with a crowbar every time I open my mouth. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|02:38 pm] |
I'm tired. Actually no, scratch that, that doesnt quite convey my true state of mind. Dead's probably more accurate and not in the good soft and squishy way, this is full on rigor mortis loss of total loss of upper brain function nastiness.
Not that it wasnt worth it of course, last night was amazing, still fucked off about being a complete and total flid but you can't have everything I suppose.
Works been shitty, Dani came in the other day which was nice as he hasnt been on msn for weeks and weeks. I also met Alex who seems like a nice guy, not that I got to speak with him much but at least he didnt come in and call me a cunt or something, at least not to my face which is ALWAYS a bonus. Laura was in for ages yesterday as usual (silly girl hasnt got a car and wont get a bus home between jobs) and managed to turn GTA Vice city into a game of minor traffic offenses and the occasional rampage with a shotgun, the only person ive ever seen appologise and scream when she hit another car. Bless. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2004|10:58 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Meanwhile, Back In Communist Russia - No Cigar | ] |
Laura just pointed out that we had seen each other nearly every single day for the last week. Only sunday and monday did we have time for each other. We watched Big Fish today, I cried a little at the end, it was very very wonderful, I may even stretch myself to it being magical.
With me and Laura Its like being straight, without the physical attraction, or the sexual frustration.(not in my case, who knows what boiling pot of lesbian sexual fury lies beneath that cool exterior) Everyone thinks we are a couple, except for maybe the obvious people who know who we really are.
Going to see Léigh this sunday though, first time in just under a week :s should have...fun *grins lewdly.* I really have fallen for him in a big way and not just in the teen love attaching yourself to whoever type thing. Ive been falling for him since the moment I laid eyes on him, all wrapped up in a sexy military jacket perched on a wall like some sort of gargoyle of unprecedented beauty. Hair blowing gently in the wind and with possibly the most killer smile in the history of facial expressions.
MBICR are great, its pretentious post rock with all the knobs; a vaugley arty lead member who doesnt do anything exccept mutter insane monologues about bondage and sexual deviancy with three other part members on a variety of syths, computers and guitars, endless drones, monumental build ups and a whole load of white noise. They might just have to become my next almost nearly favorite band. |
|
|
| Pain, horrible terrible pain. |
[Jul. 15th, 2004|11:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The levellers - Hope Street | ] |
My own mortality was spelt out to me today in hundred foot high letters of flaming red pain. I was coerced into going swimming, partially because I needed to (4 years and no exercise, go figure) and partially because Laura needed a lift home late at night. After 2 lengths my heart nearly burst from the strain, my muscles were aching, my entire body was filled with a white hot pain and all the fast food, convinience culture, hours sat in front of a screen rose up behind my eyes to form a laughing baying crowd humiliating my feeble attempts. I understand now that its going to take a lot more than a few token hours of thinking fit to actually get my heart out of danger.
Tommorow it starts proper.
To my gut: Beware you lardy wobbly fucker, your days are numbered |
|
|
| "And for some strange reason i equate Evan with Will Self in my mind" |
[Jul. 14th, 2004|08:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lethargic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Boards of Canada - Olson | ] |
In some sort of crazy postmodern twist i've discovered today that there is truth to the statement "you learn something new every day"
Changed life plans, changed direction. Instead of heading off to Portsmouth next year to study computer science i'm instead heading off to the university of east anglia to study artificial intelligence, because it has a module on the philosophy of the mind (Bishop Berkelys Idealism has to be one of the most wonderfull theorys ever, shortly followed by the Epicurean hypothesis)
It gives me time also to get some money together, I may end up working at a bar or I may stretch myself and see if any computery type shop wants me. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2004|04:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Pained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fugazi - Steady Diet | ] |
I let my self destructive nature take over too often. It grips me around the waist in these iron bars of incompetance and refuses to let me move, let me dance, let me be.
I have been spending the last week with a certain person, nameless to this portal of self loathing and mentioned (for now at least) only in passing and retrospectivley. This person is incredible, funny, painfully attractive, insanely intelligent, cynical, has excellent taste in everything ever and is just generally great fun to be around. The boys talents dont seem to stop.
The problem thus far is that so enamoured am I in everything he says and does I dont seem to be able to relax around him, I dont seem to be able to just be myself and relax. Even after being intimate I dont feel as though im totally switched on, there are thoughts and ideas forming and then being blocked by this wall of uncomfort and shyness. Its as though my brain has taken to hating my conciousness and is punishing it in the most sadistic way imaginable.
All I want to be able to do is be myself, to relax and calm down, to show him the true me which, self esteem issues aside, isnt SO bad, almost tolerable in fact and certainly more coherant than the bumbling slouching mess that greets him each time we see each other.
Analysis of the situation has only led to more doubt, more self loathing, more of the qualities I dont NEED to demonstrate.
Maybe its my own sense of inequity telling me that he's way too good for me.
Damn. |
|
|
| Test |
[Jul. 14th, 2004|03:51 pm] |
|
test |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
fabulous_mr_e's journal